A HYSTORY OF HATS

Since the time of giant prehystoric birds

spotting cavemen after catching a dodgy Hamsterosaurs people ( and monkeys ) have been wearing hats.

Originally hats weren’t called hats but hits ( see or rather” Look Out ” above ) but evolved with language to become hats … & in one corner of a spherical world, splits which led to the banana based hats still popular with the coolest kids today.

As society developed so did hats. Style became important early fashion shows began to be held in jungle clearings. In fact the catwalk first appeared at this point in time, although back then ‘ catwalk ‘ meant being able to show off your new hat without being attacked by a tiger.

Trends & seasons were the natural progression.

Initially this meant big hat for winter, smaller hat for summer but hats were more complicated now. Some had issues of their own. … This, however, was almost entirely encompassed by the Cat Hat trend popular the Um-Um-Bongo? tribe until a neighbouring chief pointed out that they actually were cats ( Not as in a hat that will attack your goldfish every full moon ). This swiftly led to the Scat Hat trend & subsequently the fable of The Chief’s New Hat.

Headgear has been

central to many civilisations or, at least, that is what I think I remember researching the other night when I was out drinking ( that crazy library crowd ) … although I am not sure how the vicar & the lingerie fitted in … ? Certainly neither are hats.

Egypt, of course, is renowned hat shaped buildings as was the My’an’ civilisation … although they were more into gloves. Less is known about the Byebyans who are believed to have built smooth uniform white conical buildings. An ancient inscription reading ” They got no grains” is thought to refer to their extinction from not being able to find the door to their grain stores. This is symbolised today by similar hats with a large D on the front …. for door. Don’t wave away the Byebyans to dismissively, however. It was such ill conceived blending of headgear & geometry that resulted in the angles jaunty & rakish abused by loveable rogues everywhere to trick fans of romantic literature out of their best chocolates .

Today,

due to milliners cross-breeding, from different societies we have a wide variety of hats. From the very formal top hat ( so named for people who didn’t know how to wear hats ) to bowler hats used to hold other hats at swingers parties & ten gallon hats designed for if there is a a long wait for the toilet at these parties ….. or for if guests are into that sort of thing.

As for the future I predict that hats will continue to become even more varied & ambitious but will largely be made from Nachos. Perhaps we will look at hats in the modern age more closely next time but, for now, I tip my hat to you. Here’s cheese in your eye.

( Author notes : Gift wrap is not a hat. Do not gift wrap your head if you have to drive anywhere. )

 

 

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