Game Of Chickens

A long time ago in a post far far away, a fellow inmate suggested that you could not play a chicken successfully in a role playing game.

chicken-rpg

Chickens can’t be RPG characters ? …. I say thee nay !!! 
If that were true, why would there be chicken roll ? 
Okay, role-playing a regular chicken might cluck but if you want to be a chicken, be the best chicken you can be !
Certainly, the creators of South Park & much of the Japanese gaming industry would not get into a flap about your choice.
Suppose you are transformed into a chicken.
” Dammit! You halfwit DM, what did you turn me into a chicken for ? You Suck, man. You suck eggs ! … And, if you haven’t got an egg ……… Nnnnnnnn-ugh ” … *pop* 
 
If I had hatched ( ha ha … That’s right! I went there ) such a devious plan, that chicken-knight / hen-at-arms would have a pivotal role. Imagine you are a low level party, you’re trapped in a pit, a dungeon cell or have to cross a deadly chasm that’s just slightly too wide to leap who do you turn to ? …. Your trusty chicken! Watch in awe as it slips through the bars of the cell, flaps to the top of the pit and across the deadly chasm to fetch the help that you desperately need, having left several tasty eggs so that you don’t starve.
 
” Bwok ! Bwok ! “
” Well done brave chicken. I, Merlin, will help your stricken party. Your actions have saved them all this day. …. Now, why not ease your aches in this relaxing warm bath full of stewing vegetables while I am away rescuing them ? “
 
( Hey, it worked pretty well for Skippy & Flipper …. until they ended up as soup, that is. )
 
Some of the most inspired miraculous role-playing scenarios and escapes have come from that last gasp desperate roll of the dice, when you are out of spells, weaponless, outnumbered, out gunned and a chicken. I personally have saved a entire party from almost certain imaginary death by pretending to be a chicken, causing our imminent death sentence being commuted to ‘being simply too stupid & entertaining to be killed just yet’. A glorious, dignified moment for me which sadly led to the very first  series Camelot Has Talent, hosted by the black robe wizard Simon Cowl.
 
Think, also, of all the snappy dialogue you are going to miss out on ….
 
” Oh Cluck ! “
” My big hen’s gone “
” He’s just egging you on “
” Chicken ! ….. RUN !!! “
” It’s a military coop “
” Is everyone here ? …. Hang on, I’ll just chick the rooster “
 
I also could cite a successful campaign that heavily featured contributions from a befuddled French waiter, summoned from the future, who ferociously wielded a stale +5 vorpal  baguette … but I think that strongest evidence that seemingly useless characters can survive in a dangerous world, is that no one killed Jar Jar Binks.
 
…… suddenly I feel a little depressed.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s