Three Bulls Heard The Rancher Was Bringing Another Bull Onto The Ranch…

Funny Joke Of The Day

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”

Second Bull: “I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m keeping all my cows.”

Third Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I’m keeping all 10 of my cows.”

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they’ve ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend.”

Second Bull: “I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: “Son, don’t be foolish. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”

Third Bull: “Hell, he can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull.”

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

Jim And Joe Are Walking Down The Road…

Funny Joke Of The Day

Jim and Joe are walking on a road. They come across a pile of poop left on the road by a horse.

Jim bets $500 that Joe won’t be able to eat the whole pile of poop.

Joe accepts the bet, eats the whole pile and gets his $500. They continue walking until they come across another pile of poop.

Because Jim wants to get his money back, he bets $500 that he can eat the pile of poop. Joe agrees because he feels like Jim should know what it was like.

Jim eats the pile of poop and gets his money back. They continue walking.

Jim is happy to have gotten his money back until he suddenly comes to a realization. “Did we just eat poop for no reason?!”

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

Researches Just Found 200 Dead Crows On The Freeway Outside Boston…

Funny Joke Of The Day

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu.

A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. In fact, the cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis, it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues and checking traffic camera footage when they could, it was determined that 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impacts with trucks, while only 2 percent were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The ornithological behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause.

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah,“ not a single one could shout “Truck.”

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

NASA Sent A Shuttle Into Space With Two Monkeys And An Astronaut…

Funny Joke Of The Day

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer, NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”

At that, the first monkey started typing like mad. The shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later, NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”

At that, the second monkey started typing like mad, and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later, mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut…”

At this, the astronaut responded, “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

A Police Officer Came Upon A Terrible Car Crash…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A police officer came upon a terrible car crash where two people had been killed. As he looked at the wreckage, a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey nodded.

“Well, did you see what happened?”

The monkey nodded. He pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

The monkey nodded. The monkey then pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking deeply.

“They were smoking marijuana, too?” asked the officer.

The monkey nodded. He made a sexual sign with his fingers.

“So they were playing around as well!?” asked the astounded officer.

Again, the monkey nodded.

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smokiing and playing around before they wrecked the car?”

The monkey nodded.

“What were you doing during all this?” asked the officer.

The monkey held up his hands on an imaginary steering wheel.

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

On The First Day, God Created The Dog And Said…

Funny Joke Of The Day

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?”

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a 20-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give back the other 40?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you 20 years.”

But the human said, “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

 

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

A Lost Dog Strays Into A Jungle…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before.”

So the lion starts rushing toward the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic, but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea.

He stops and says loudly, “Mmm … that was some good lion meat!”

The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can.”

In a nearby treetop, a monkey had seen everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.

So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more.

He gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!”

Tell us what you thought of this funny joke in the comments below, and come back every day for the Funny Joke Of The Day!

(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)