An Irish Daughter Had Not Been Home For Over 5 Years…

Funny Joke Of The Day

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.

“Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad…I became…a prostitute.”

“Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.”

“OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, plus a $2 million savings certificate.

“For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” asks Dad.

The girl, crying again answered, “Sniff, sniff…a prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.”

“Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

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Three Men Died On Christmas Eve And Were Met By Saint Peter…

Funny Joke Of The Day

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It’s a candle,” he said.

“You may pass through the Pearly Gates,” Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The Irishman replied, “These are Carol’s.”

 

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)