An Irish Daughter Had Not Been Home For Over 5 Years…

Funny Joke Of The Day

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.

“Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad…I became…a prostitute.”

“Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.”

“OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, plus a $2 million savings certificate.

“For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” asks Dad.

The girl, crying again answered, “Sniff, sniff…a prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.”

“Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

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One Fine Day In Ireland, A Man Is Out Golfing…

Funny Joke Of The Day

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge lump on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness!” says the golfer. He proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awaking, the little guy says, “Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes.”

The man says, “I can’t take anything from you, I’m just glad I didn’t hurt you too badly!” He walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, “Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things that I would want. I’ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a great sex life.”

Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball, he sees the same little guy standing around and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, “I’m fine! Might I ask how your golf game is?”

The golfer says, “It’s great! I hit under par every time.”

The leprechaun says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?”

The golfer says, “Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I seem to find a little extra cash in there.”

The leprechaun smiles and says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?”

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, “Well, maybe once or twice a week.”

The leprechaun is floored and stammers, “Once or twice a week?!”

The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, “Well, that’s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

In New York City, A Man Is Going To Jump Off A Tall Building…

Funny Joke Of The Day

In New York City, a man is going to jump off a tall building. A good Irish cop rushes over to talk him down.

The cop yells up to the man, “Don’t jump! Think of your father!”

The man replies, “I haven’t got a father; I’m going to jump.”

The cop goes through a list of relatives: mother, brothers, sisters, etc.

Each time, the man says, “Haven’t got one; I’m going to jump.”

Desperate, the cop yells up, “Don’t jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin!”

The man replies, “Who’s that?”

The cop yells, “Jump, Protestant! You’re slowing down traffic!”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

An Irish Priest Is Driving Down To New York…

Funny Joke Of The Day

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and a state trooper stops him in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest, fingers crossed.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)

An Irish Guy Walks Into A Bar And Takes A Seat By Another Guy…

Funny Joke Of The Day

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another guy.

The first guy says, “That’s a familiar accent you got there, where ya from?”

The other guy says, “I’m Irish.”

The first guy says, “I’m Irish, too! Where did you live in Ireland?”

The second guy says, “Dublin.”

First guy: “Same here! When did you graduate?”

Second guy: “In 1978. What about you?”

First guy: “I graduated in ’78, too. Where’d you go to school?”

Second guy: “Saint Mary’s. And you?”

First guy: “I went to Saint Mary’s, too!”

About that time, a new person walks into the bar and asks the bartender, “What’s goin’ on tonight?”

The bartender says, “Oh, nothing much, the O’Reilly twins¬†are drunk again.”

 

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(Here’s where we found this funny joke.)