8 Funny Words That Start With P

Could you possibly have predicted this list of funny words that start with P? Probably not.

1. Persnickety

If you’re persnickety, it means you’re turning into your mother. That is, if your mother was overly picky about things. Not just picky. Overly picky. Being persnickety is a real PIA for other folks to put up with. You should probably try to relax the reins a little if this describes you.

2. Pooh-Pooh

If you pooh-pooh somebody else’s idea, you aren’t even giving it a chance. You’re dismissing it out of hand. And hand and pooh-pooh don’t go well together, do they? But boy, is it fun to say.

“Say, Brian, I was thinking we should put a bottled water machine inside the movie theater.”

“Pooh-pooh. That’s a terrible idea.”

3. Polliwog

Are you and your girl trying to come up with some new pet names for each other? If you’ve used up “honey bear” and “sweetums,” why not try “polliwog” on for size? You can spring it on her one day after you enjoy some frog’s legs for lunch at a fancy restaurant. “No, no, my little polliwog, I’ll get the check.”

4. Playful

You don’t think playful is a funny word? It can be if you use it properly. “My you have such a [big, long pause] playful child. Emphasize playful like it hurts you just to say it.” Or, while you’re interviewing a job candidate: “You have such a playful sense of humor.” Don’t smile as you say this. Look down at your paper and follow up with “Thanks for coming in. We’ll be in touch.”

5. Plonker

You have to hand it to the British when it comes to great words. A plonker is a real git. An idiot of the royal order. “You plonker! Can’t you do anything right?” Its original meaning is something very large that just sits there. Like “just plonk that down anywhere.” But now it’s a really good word you can use for someone you want to have fun with.

6. Prat

You can thank the Brits for this one, too. A prat is someone who thinks he’s too good for his britches. An uptight person who feels he is better than anyone else. Thankfully, prats seem to be all male. There have never been any instances of female prats in the history of the word. Don’t look that up. Just believe me.

7. Phat

If you say something is phat nowadays, it’s a good thing. Unless you say fat, which is usually thought of as a bad thing. Unless you can’t help it because of your thyroid or something. If you do say phat, make sure you really emphasize the “ph” because you don’t want to come across wrong. Really sink those teeth into the “ph” sound.

8. Pothead

Now that the country (or at least one state) seems to be embracing Mary Jane as a medical remedy, do we have to get rid of the derogatory word “pothead?” I’d like to keep using it. It was a great first-generation GPS locator for finding people in high school. “I can’t find Jessica.” “She’s over there with the potheads.” “Oh, I see her. Thanks.”

Funny Words That Start With E

These E words might get you wigged out, but don’t worry. An eft is on the way at the end.

1. Earwig

If this sounds scary and disgusting, that’s because it is. At first, you might think an earwig insect is named for some random reason. I hate to break it to you, but the name is because this insect actually crawls inside your ear while you sleep and wigs you out. So go on out an buy some cotton balls to stuff your ears with tonight, because you’ll never get a good night’s sleep again if you don’t.

2. Eek!

This is what you’ll be shrieking when you realize an earwig has just entered your ear. Seriously, did you buy those cotton balls yet?

3. Emoji

An emoji is a face icon that is used to express emotion when you’re communicating by text or email. It came about because people were getting so pissed off with each other over what they thought were snide comments, because you can’t read faces over the internet. Like when a person typed “so what?” it could set off a family feud, when really the person just wanted to know what happened next.

4. Eerie

Not to be confused with earie, which might be something to do with those nasty earwigs. Eerie has to do with coincidence or a strange feeling. If you get an eerie feeling, grab your flashlight, Nancy Drew, because something strange is about to happen.

5. Evitable

This is actually in the dictionary. It means avoidable. But everyone always uses inevitable, as in unavoidable. No one ever says, “Getting an earwig lodged in your ear was evitable, if only you’d bought those cotton balls like I suggested.”

6. Envy

Envy is the same as jealousy, but somehow the connotation is a whole lot darker. Envy feels like it can be coupled with some sort of malicious acts of revenge, whereas jealousy comes with relatively harmless comments or judgmental looks. If someone admits to being envious of you, watch your back. If they say they’re jealous, just take them out to lunch and it’s all good.

7. Eft

An eft is a certain kind of lizard. They eat earwigs, so if you are in the market for a new pet and you still haven’t bought those cotton balls, consider picking up an eft for yourself. They make great housepets and as I say, they can help keep your wigs about you.

Funny Words That Start With T

The funny thing is, there are many words starting with T to describe someone. Here are some to fill your lexicon.

1. Timid

Unless you’re describing a young child or an animal, calling someone timid isn’t exactly high praise. Timid people usually get ignored, talked over or walked on. But a timid child is really cute, and a timid animal is adorable. Just watch who you’re calling timid and you should be okay.

2. Tightlipped

If your best friend is tightlipped, that’s a good thing, and your secrets are safe. If your husband is tightlipped, it might just mean he’s a bad kisser. So being tightlipped is either good or bad, depending on if you’re the best friend or the husband.

3. Tightwad

Now if your best friend is a tightwad, you probably get stuck paying the restaurant bill every time. If your husband is a tightwad, you probably can’t remember the last time you were in a restaurant.

4. Thickset

You know a heavyset person is overweight. A thickset person might be larger than the average person, but maybe it’s not their fault. They’re just set that way. Thickset. Like when someone claims they’re overweight because they have “big bones.” Uh huh. Tony Robbins has big bones. Unless you look like Tony Robbins, you’re probably heavyset. Deal with it. You’re still lovable, you big lug, you.

5. Troubling

If anyone calls you or your teenager troubling, watch out, there’s a storm approaching. Troubling is usually followed by behavior, as in, “Her troubling behavior has me worried.” In my opinion, if you get this kind of remark even once, it’s time to take a second look at your meds. Troubling behavior could be one of those side effects they list. “May cause depression, headaches or troubling behavior.” Could be that’s how Hitler got labeled at that art college he didn’t get into. His file probably read, “Exhibits troubling behavior. Recommend NO ADMISSION!”

6. Thriving

“Say, how’s your son doing at that ridiculously expensive private school you send him to?” “Oh, he’s thriving!” Thriving is way better than saying “fine.” Next time your cashier casually says, “Hi, how are you?” Bust out with a really loud “Thriving!” That’ll wake her up so she hurries your groceries along.

7. Tactless

Without tact. Wow, what a loser. That guy is completely tactless. And to think, tact is free, but he doesn’t even have any. Not one tact.

8. Tedious

If a task is tedious, it might be boring, or it might be interesting, but filled with many details. Art restoration is tedious, but boy, what a payoff! If a person is tedious, though, it means they’re a pain in the neck to deal with. Tedious people usually end up working by themselves, because no one wants to go through that kind of intensity. Tedious people get caught up in the details and can’t see the big picture. Tedious people do great at tedious jobs like art restoration, because they don’t need to see the big picture – just the tiny brush strokes.

Hopefully this little list will give you some fodder for when you need to describe a person to someone they don’t know. Just make sure you use some tact, but not all of your supply because you don’t want to be left tactless.

9 Funny Words That Start With Z

Z is a funny letter unto itself, because it looks like the number 2 the more you keep staring at it. And these Z words are really doubly funny when you think about it.

1. Zabaglione

Zabaglione is a delicious Italian custard that will confuse your little ones.

“What’s for dessert, mommy?”

“We’re having zabaglione, my dearest.”

“I don’t wanna!”

“How about some nice warm custard, then?”

“Yay!”

2. Zenzizenzizenzic

Zenzizenzizenzic is the eighth power of any number. If you really want to piss off your kid’s high school math teacher—and let’s face it, who doesn’t?—use this word at your next parent-teacher meeting. So instead of saying, “I’m certain to the 8th degree that my little Timothy did not draw that picture of you.” Say “I’m certain to the zenzizenzizenzic degree…” She won’t know what you’re talking about, and then you can raise concerns about her math skills. Should make for an interesting meeting.

3. Zoinks!

All you Scooby Doo fans out there know quite well that zoinks! means “Oh no!” or “Uh oh!” Now, it’s a really great word that everyone should be using more often in order to make the world a better place. It’s far better than the other word that people use, which I’m not going to mention here.

4. Zany

Being crazy in a fun way is zany. But gobs of crazy people are not zany. Axe murderers, people who play with explosives for fun, mad scientists, daredevils and carnival killers. They aren’t zany at all.

5. Zoopery

Zoopery is the practice of experimenting on animals. Good heavens! Is that what really goes on at zoos?!

6. ZZZ

ZZZ is the commonly agreed-upon set of letters that signifies that someone is asleep or snoring. Not to be confused with Bzz, which is the commonly agreed-upon set of letters that signifies the sound that bees make as they fly. You can’t say this word without tickling your tongue, though. So usually people just use “Zees” when they’re sleeping so they don’t tickle themselves awake.

7. Zygote

Way back in science class, you were taught that a zygote is the cell produced from the union of two gametes. Of course, the second you learned this new science word, you turned it into an insult for classmates you didn’t like, didn’t you? Zygote is a term for a stupid person who has not matured. So really, if a person calls another person a zygote, it’s kind of the pot calling the kettle black.

8. Zippy

A zippy person can be described as quick and energetic. They can also be described as being annoyingly hyper or rabid. So don’t be so quick to jump up and down for joy if someone calls you zippy. Unless you’re also a zany person.

9. Zol

Apparently, a zol is what they call a hand-rolled weed cigarette in South Africa. At my high school, they just called them joints. So if you ever travel to South Africa, and you are offered a zol, just say no.

7 Funny Words That Start With J

These jolly J words are just the thing to get you all jostled up.

1. Jamboree

A jamboree is a party or a place where raucous merrymaking is happening. The next time you are invited to a jamboree, get ready for some knee-slapping good times. To me, a jamboree sounds much better than a party, but let me ask you: You have two invitations in your hand for the same date, and one says party and the other says jamboree, which one are you going to?

2. Jimmy

If you jimmy something, you get it to open, but never to close. You don’t hear people saying, “Let me see if I can jimmy this thing closed.” No, it’s always, “I think I can jimmy that open.” What I want to know is, who is this Jimmy fellow and why is he breaking and entering all over town?

3. Jailage

A jailage is a fee paid to a jailer, presumably so the guy will let you out. Now, had some of our felons known about this, maybe they would be free right now. “What? All I had to do was pay jailage?!!!! Mind blown!”

4. Jargonaut

A jargonaut is a person who uses excessive jargon. I’m not sure where the line is drawn between someone who doesn’t use excessive jargon and someone who is a jargonaut. The answer might be in the pages of that famous book, “Jason and the Jargonauts.”

5. Jellygraph

In the olden days before Xerox, copies of prints were made using a plate of jelly. (No, I’m not making this up.) You have to hand it to whoever invented this. They brought playing with your food to a whole new level.

6. Jiffy

When I hear the word jiffy, I immediately think of those small muffin mix boxes in the baking aisle at the grocery. But it’s also an alternate word for a certain amount of time. If you say, “I’ll be back in a jiffy,” it means you’ll be back super quick. Jiffy actually has a definitive measurement, which is 1/1,000th of a second. So you can’t just bandy the word jiffy about like it has no meaning. You’d better be back in a jiffy because I’m checking my watch in between bites of blueberry muffin.

7. Jollyboat

The jollyboat is the small boat that was kept at the ship’s stern for transporting crew from the ship to the mainland and vice versa. So if you were a crew member and the captain told you to go ashore for more toilet paper, you might start to swim to shore, worrying that your socks were going to get wet. Then your mate would say, “Ahoy! I’ll lower the jollyboat for ye!” And you would say, “Aye, that’s jolly!” That’s probably how the boat was named, come to think of it.

Funny Words That Start With S

Plenty of normal words start with S. Those are words that are mainstream, conservative, nice words that we use everyday. I’m not talking about those words. I’m talking about the following weirdo words. You’ll see what I mean.

1. Saltant

Saltant refers to the kind of leaping and jumping you do sometimes when you’re dancing. And it’s an adjective, so you’d say, “Your saltant dancing is extraordinary.” I just don’t know anyone who leaps and jumps when they dance, though, except those dancers on Dancing With the Stars. They do plenty of leaping and jumping. Derek Hough is a very saltant dancer. You can tell him I said so, too.

2. Salubrious

Doesn’t that sound like a crime for drinking too much? “Sir, I’m going to have to bring you in on charges of being salubrious. Hand over your keys.” But no, it’s actually a good thing. Salubrious is something that is for your own good. Like, “Sir, we’re dropping all charges against you, for salubrious reasons. Congratulations!”

3. Sanatory

Not to be confused with “sanitary.” Sanatory describes something that produces good health. “Your sanatory and salubrious behavior have got you off for good behavior!”

4. Sericious

The next time you’re getting cozy with a new flame, compliment her on her sericious arms. Or not. Sericious arms are covered in soft, silky hair. I think it sounds nice, but your girlfriend might take offense.

5. Sith

Sith is olde language for “since.” If you use it, though, people will think you have a stuffed up nose. Try it now. Say out loud, “Sith you’re going to the thore, can you pick me up thome cold medicine?” Or you could try, “How many times sith then have you called her?”

“Huh?”

“I said, how many times sith then have you called her?”

“Er, you mean, since?”

“Yeth!”

6. Surely

Some people—present company excluded—say “surely” instead of “sure.” I don’t if they want to sound more sophisticated or if they just like to be different. “Do you want another scoop of ice cream?” “Surely!” What if they don’t know? “Actually, I’m unsurely if I have room for more ice cream, sith I already had two helpings.”

7. Snoop

Certain people thought snoop is such a great word they decided to rename themselves with it. But snoop has such negative connotations; I don’t know why anyone would want to name themselves snoop. “Hey, you! Snoop! Whatcha doin’ over there in the bushes!” “Nothin’, just havin’ a look around where I’m not supposed to.”

8. Saucy

Now, everyone knows if you call a woman saucy that’s a good thing. And the one word is all you need, so it’s a super duper word. Case in point: A woman walks by. A man says, “Saucy!” Other men nod their head in agreement. Total understanding with just one word. Too bad warring nations couldn’t have a word like that. North Korea runs missile tests. South Korea says, “Saucy!” The U.N. nods its head in agreement.

So now you surely understand why S words can be so very entertaining. Sith you’re already here, why not try some of these saucy words out in real life?

Funny Words That Start With Q

Poor Q has to share its sound with K and C, but in this list, Q doesn’t have to share the spotlight, especially since it actually looks like a spotlight!

1. Quackle

If you quackle someone, you choke them. Crime shows don’t use this word because they don’t want their viewing audience to laugh. They can’t go around saying, “How was the victim murdered?” “She was quackled to death.” See? I bet you’re smiling right now, even though that poor actress fake-died.

2. Quagswag

Have you ever seen a dog with a rope in its mouth, shaking his head back and forth vigorously? Then you’ve witnessed quagswagging! That’s way better than regular wagging, right?

3. Quoz

The next time someone says something completely ludicrous, just say, “That’s quoz!” They’ll be baffled, but just keep saying it, and they’ll get the hint that you’re telling them their idea is absurd and you’ll have none of it.

4. Quotha

If you happen to be one of those indie book writers, you’re probably always looking for new words to describe expressions. Here’s one for the books – quotha. It means an expression of contempt. “Her husband looked at her with quotha.” It probably won’t work in a thriller novel though, because it’s too arcane and your readers might think he looked at her with some drug in his system that made his eyesight blurry.

5. Quaggy

You can use quaggy in your novel, though. “He looked at her with contempt as she tried to push the carriage wheel out of the quaggy earth.” Quaggy means soft and watery. Then the guy could swoop in and come to the damsel’s rescue, and her boyfriend could get jealous and challenge the first guy to a duel. You take it from there, though. I don’t want you to think my idea is quoz.

6. Quod

A quod is a prison. So if you’ve been locked away for some reason (and please, don’t tell me why – I don’t want to know), and your friends ask where you’ve been, just say you were in quod. Don’t say prison, because you might not have any friends after that. Whereas if you say quod, they might think you were at some mediation retreat or something. It sounds better anyway, to hear, “You’re going to quod for a long, long time.” If you put it that way, it doesn’t sound bad at all, but I still don’t want to know why you were in quod.

7. Quasi

I like this word. Well, it’s not really a word. It’s a quasi word. Because you have to attach it to something, like he’s a quasi doctor. Meaning he’s not really a doctor; he just plays one on TV. If you’re a fake doctor, that could mean you’re an imposter. But a quasi doctor sounds like he actually has some credentials, even though he’s nothing but a fake. Come to think of it, he could go to quod for a long time for pretending to be a doctor. Then he could be charged with quotha of court.

What a quagmire.

Funny Words That Start With L

Let’s have some laughs at L’s expense, shall we?

1. Lollygag

When I was a little girl, my mother always used to tell me, “C’mon, don’t lollygag now!” Now that I’m grown up, I realize she wanted me to hurry up, but at the time I thought she was warning me not to choke on my TootsiePop!

2. Lackadaisical

If someone calls you lackadaisical, they mean that you are lazy and disinterested in what’s going on. But if you take the time to look up lackadaisical then you certainly aren’t that, because it takes energy and interest just to figure out how to spell the word! So don’t bother. Just pretend you don’t care what it means.

3. Last Laugh

The person who gets the last laugh always wins, don’t they? Even though there’s no monetary prize, it’s considered very valuable to get the last laugh. In fact, you could make some enemies if you take the last piece of a laugh pie. “Hey! Who had the last laugh! I was saving that!”

4. Lampoon

If you lampoon someone, you poke harmless fun at them. If you harpoon someone, you poke a lethal weapon at them. Little differences in words make a huge difference in real life.

5. Legit

If you say “leg it,” you’re telling someone to run away quickly. If you say legit, you mean that something’s entirely legitimate. In which case, they shouldn’t need to leg it.

6. Lilliputian

A Lilliputian is another word for a small thing or a small person. So if you name your newborn daughter Lily and your last name happens to be Putian, you should be prepared to have a very short little girl. It’s all in the name, folks.

7. Loquacious

Loquacious people are very talkative. As in gabby. As in, won’t shut up. Even though it sounds quite sophisticated to be loquacious, it really just means other people wish you’d stop talking for two seconds so they can speak.

8. Lard

Sorry, but no matter how you try to dress it up, lard is just fat. Such an inelegant word should never appear on a restaurant menu. “Soft Mexican quesadillas made with lard.” Yummy! You can call someone a lardo, too, which means they have a few pounds to lose. Even saying the word “lard” makes you want to have a small salad for lunch. A Lilliputian salad with the dressing on the side.

Funny Words That Start With H

What the heck has H ever done to you that it deserves this kind of hilarity?

1. Horrific

Somewhere back in time, Rachel Ray must have had a previous life. Because this combination of “horrible” and “terrific” is just something she’d come up with, right? Yet, it’s a valid word that’s been used for decades. The weird thing is, horrible is, well, horrible; but terrific is a word we’ve come to use as being great or awesome. In the dictionary, though, terrific can mean terribly, awfully bad. As in – fills you with terror. Kind of like certain recipes.

2. Hairball

Talk about terror. You’re minding your own business, looking for your lost sneaker. When what to your wandering eyes do appear but eight tiny hairballs floating toward you from beneath your bed. Let your imagination run wild, because no scientist has ever explained the phenomenon of how lone, single hairs disbursed throughout the house, suddenly all communicate with one another to form the alliance known as the dreaded hairball.

3. Honkey

Go with me back in time to the days of jive and the TV show, Welcome Back Kotter. White people were referred to as “honkeys” by African Americans. I’m not sure why this term was supposed to be so apt, but I’m going to presume it has something to do with white noses. I don’t know. But I feel it was a pretty benign term, compared to all the other bad words they could have chosen, and especially compared to all the bad terms that some whites have come up with for African Americans. Honkey could even be considered an endearing term. Unless you really do have a gigantic nose and a nasally voice.

4. Hack

A hack is someone who has no idea of what they’re doing. They have no skill, and will probably screw up whatever job you give them to do. But a hacker is someone who knows exactly what they’re doing, has lots of programming skills, and will screw up any job you’re trying to do on your computer.

5. Hairsplitter

Talk about tedious. A hairsplitter is someone who splits hairs. They look so far into the details of everything, that nothing ever really gets done. A hairsplitter will analyze the words you use, the way to do the most minute tasks and the way you look. Ironically, because of the stress involved, hairsplitters tend to be bald men with very little hair at all. Whatever you do, don’t let a hairsplitter near your head.

6. Heckler

Jerry Seinfeld knew how to handle hecklers. Those annoying people in the audience who antagonize a perfectly good comedienne in the  middle of their routine. Imagine going on a first date with a guy, and discovering that he’s a heckler? “So, what do you do for a living?” “I’m a heckler. I heck.” “I’d love to see your work!” “Great! There’s a stand-up comedy show around the corner. Let’s go!”

Funny Words That Start With F

Don’t worry. These six F words won’t land you in detention for using them.

1. Fecund

Don’t glare at me like that. Fecund just means fertile. If you are a teacher and you write this on little Johnny’s report card, you can bet your bippy you’ll be hearing from his parents.  “Johnny seems to have a fecund imagination.” “Excuse me! How dare you accuse our son of being perverse!”

2. Fiddlesticks

Now, fiddlesticks don’t really exist, but if they did, I imagine they’d be adorable little edible tidbits that are perfect for serving as an appetizer at a cocktail party. As it is, though, fiddlesticks is simply an exclamation of frustration. If you cry out, “Fiddlesticks!” at a party, though, I bet everyone goes running to the buffet table because they really would be delicious.

3. Futz

When someone tells you not to futz with something, keep your little mitts off it. They’re obviously afraid you’re going to break it. Especially if you’re reaching out to pick up a fiddlestick, because those are extremely delicate, and we want them to look nice for when the guests arrive. So don’t futz with the fiddlesticks.

4. Fantastical

Fantastical is kind of like fantastic, but better. Fantastical is usually followed by something really exciting, like “the fantastical world of Dr. McDo.” Doesn’t that just make you want to know all the details of Dr. McDo’s fantastical world? If more books used the word fantastical in their titles, I bet we wouldn’t have any trouble getting people to read. “The Fantastical World of Single-Cell Microorganisms!” or “The Fantastical World of Household Plumbing Fixtures!”

5. Feckless

Feckless isn’t a word you commonly run into these days. Usually you’ll see it in the old, musty pages of old books, where the author uses it to describe one of the characters. “He was a feckless creature, given neither to industry nor imagination.” Wow, what a lump. In those days, feckless meant lazy and irresponsible. Basically a waste of space. Now that we have digital books, useless characters like that don’t waste space because there are no space limits in the digital world.

6.  Fetching

This is another word that was used mostly by authors in the past. If a girl was described as being fetching, it meant she was lovely. Now if you call a woman’s libber fetching, she might think you want her to go get your house slippers.